One of the many many challenges of being a foster parent is navigating the rules surrounding haircuts for kids in your care.
For the most part, we have steered clear of doing it. It used to be that you really couldn’t even do a trim without getting the permission of the first parents (aka “bio” or “birth” parents). Now there is a rule in our state called “prudent parenting” that allows foster parents to treat their foster kids as if they were their own children, within reason. We’ve been told that trims are now allowed so long as you don’t do any kind of massive style change for a child. It still gets sticky though. I don’t want to offend a first parent by usurping their rights!
We had one little boy, Gronckle, who needed regular trims because his hair grew at an astonishing rate, and he couldn’t see beneath his mop of curls. But we kept it long-ish and curly so we weren’t taking away the curls from his Mom.
We once cut Kiddo’s hair several inches, but it was with her Dad’s permission and blessing, and she was no longer in foster care at the time.
For the most part, we have steered clear of haircuts for kids in our care. We’ve braided Black girls’ hair, and maintained Black boys’ curls, and let white girls’ hair get wispy as it grew. Piggy tails and hair sprouts have been our go-to for managing wisps that get in kids’ eyes.
I just caved on Tiny though. Her silky black hair was getting all unruly, and its magic was getting lost because of the way it was growing out. Her head was kept shaved by her first family until she turned two when she came to us, so we had a year of untrimmed growth getting shaggier by the day.
I’m praying her Mama doesn’t have an absolute fit. We cut a fair bit off in the back. I think it looks soul shatteringly adorable but I can only pray her Mama agrees!
The subject of haircuts is becoming a sore one in our house when it comes to Kiddo. When wet, her hair is all the way to the small of her back. Her curls are positively glorious.
But. Each week when she comes over, we painstakingly detangle it, condition it, put products in it, and style it. Each week when she goes home, no one detangles it for the entirety of the week. We have had instances where it is starting to mat from lack of detangling. It’s not from lack of knowledge, it’s just from lack of effort. I know her Mom is juggling so so much. She’s in school full time working on her Bachelors degree, and she’s working full time, and parenting two tough kids and maintaining a household. I get it. I really do. I know too that Kiddo is a pain about detangling her hair and she complains the entire time, plus it’s kind of boring and frustrating, so I understand the disinclination to do it.
It does have to be done though. It’s part of teaching her to be proud of being a biracial/Black kid. Her mom loves it as long as possible though, and won’t give permission for anything more than the tiniest of trims. I’m so frustrated that the responsibility for keeping it maintained is fully ours, and yet we can’t give it a nice healthy trim to make detangling a little less onerous and get it closer to a length where Kiddo could do some of the maintenance herself.
We will at least manage that tiny trim that her mom will allow. We need to find the right Black salon for her. I’d love to give her the experience of professional braiding too. One of these days!
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