We’ve been in contentious foster care related court hearings before when Gronckle was returned home. In that instance, the child’s attorney disagreed vehemently with the agency and judge, but the appearance was brief and everyone managed to avoid taking things personally. I left and cried, but the attorneys shook hands afterward and all was ok between them and the judge. It helped me keep from taking things personally, too.
Honestly, that’s my experience with practicing law for 17 years. Even when attorneys argue bitterly in court, they’re just advocating for their clients zealously, and walk away and shake hands and share a joke between themselves and sometimes with the judge who has just ruled against them. Sometimes it surprised me that attorneys could do that after what seemed like terrible arguments in court, but I adjusted to that culture and have come to appreciate it.
Today’s appearance was very contentious and sadly not friendly at all. The agency and the children’s attorney and the Mama’s attorney are not in agreement, to say the least. The disagreements carried on long and hard and the poor interpreter struggled to keep up. My husband and I sat on the sidelines and tried to keep our expressions neutral and prayed no one would drag us into things.
As for our part, we’d made our peace with any of the potential outcomes. We knew it was possible Sunny would go home right away. We knew it was possible she would go home and her older sister would come to us. We knew it was possible we’d walk away with three kids placed with us. There are costs and benefits to each of those outcomes and if ever there was a case where there are no easy answers, this is it.
We were not going to fight the agency on their plan to return Sunny. We were worried about her and the new school district’s ability to implement her IEP and her relative’s ability to navigate that, and we were worried about the relative being overwhelmed with so many kids, but there are downsides to Sunny staying with us too and we recognize them.
What I wanted through the whole court appearance was someone to say “there aren’t easy answers in this case so let’s see if we can figure out what’s best for the kids.” The only one who said anything like that was the judge. Thank heavens she’s thinking that way. I think she gets the complexity of this case and that there aren’t easy answers but believes that there are some easy answers and we need to do those things first then assess where we stand. I think she gets that. I hope so.
Regardless, it was gut wringing and adrenaline filling to sit there in that court room for so long listening to the heated arguments that definitely felt like they were being taken personally at times. At the end, the attorneys left the room without shaking hands or acknowledging each other.
The upshot is there are no changes in placement at this time. Sunny is staying with us for now. For how long? No clue. Just, for now.
No matter what happens in court, or through the agency’s decision-making, my husband and I love these kids and this family very much, including the kids’ Mama and the relative who has the siblings. We will do our best to support them through any twists and turns, to the extent they want our support. It’s hard with the distance and the language barrier, but we’ll see them at least monthly for visits and will do what we can. And we will love on and do our absolute best by any of the kids who are placed with us.
It’s all we can do and it’s all anyone can ask of us.
While we are refusing to take sides in this matter because we see the pluses and minuses to all the various permutations, we are afraid the agency is going to resent us tremendously because they didn’t “win” this round in court and Sunny is staying here for a little bit. We are afraid of retaliation even though we weren’t participating. I’ve heard enough horror stories from other foster parents to know it’s always possible. Heaven forbid.
Regardless, if you’re the praying sort, say a prayer for these kids and this family, torn apart and trying so hard to hang onto each other and do well by each other. Say a prayer for all the players involved seeing clearly and putting the kids first. And if you’re not a pray-er, that’s ok too. Send some good vibes into the universe for them.
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