Kiddo has been with us for 5+ years, which means she’s been here for all the other foster kids we’ve had. In fact, she’s been here when we picked up Mouse and PB&J from the hospital and got dragged along for the ride. It’s really weird to have a placement arrive and not have Kiddo happen to be here with us at the time.
So how do the kids get along? Is Kiddo a good big sibling?
For the most part yes. But she’s a 9 year old with a lot of behavioral challenges so it’s mostly good, peppered with a bit of my saying her name in exasperation and reminding her, for example, that Tiny is only two years old and needs to be treated accordingly.
Kiddo loves Tiny and they get along really really well much of the time, so long as Tiny is in the mood to be bossed around. Kiddo loved Mouse too. And absolutely adored Gronckle – who lived with us while Kiddo did – who would happily roughhouse with her and could hold his own. Those two would get into fits of wrestling and shrieking laughter that would rattle the house. They broke an antique lamp and a variety of other things playing. And while I miss the lamp I was mostly just happy they loved each other so much.
Kiddo refers to the kids as her sisters and brothers a lot of the time. But not Jelly. Oooooh Lordie did she hate Jelly! She liked PB but Jelly got on Kiddo’s nerves like nothing on earth. Jelly was extremely “spicy” and autonomous. She had Attitude with a capital A. She never really bonded with Seth and me and I think Kiddo sensed that. She also could not be bossed around and Kiddo didn’t like that. Kiddo would play with PB and tell Jelly off and tell her she didn’t like her. Jelly was unfazed.
We did try to convince Kiddo to be nicer to Jelly but never pushed her to “like” Jelly. Personalities being what they are, there was no hope of that. Moreover I want to respect Kiddo’s right to decide who she does and doesn’t like or love. We are very conscientious about never telling Kiddo she has to “love” anybody because love is a complex thing even when abuse and neglect are not involved. We don’t tell her she “has to” love her Daddy or her grandmothers or anybody else. All we tried to do was teach Kiddo to be as fair to Jelly as possible and not antagonize her and we left it at that.
Our being active foster parents is hard on Kiddo. On the one hand she really enjoys having other kids to play with at our house. But it’s hard for Kiddo, just like it’s hard for us, when kids she loves go home. We talk a lot about the kids who have been with us because Kiddo seems to need that. I told her when I’d run into Mouse’s mom and could report that Mouse was doing well, and Kiddo seemed to like hearing that news.
It’s also hard for Kiddo to anticipate other kids coming to our house in the future. She has announced at various times that she’s not willing to share her room with anyone other than Tiny, and also that she’ll share her room only if we have another littler girl (which would be the case regardless).
Kiddo is also anxious about the potential teenager and has said that she “won’t call her her sister” like she does Tiny. I told her that’s quite ok. She’s also asked if she can go into her old room to use the desk when the teen arrives and I told her she’ll have to negotiate that with the teen. She gave me a big dramatic sigh and said “it’s not like I’m going to go in there when she’s naked or anything.” I had to suppress a laugh. And bought Kiddo a lap desk for good measure.
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