For quite some time now Seth and I have been discussing cutting back on fostering. I’ve always pushed to take more kids. He’s always pushed to have fewer kids and is utterly content with the two-ish we’ve got. It’s been a delicate balancing act to negotiate which kids we take, and when.
After baby Cookie went home, I agreed to a long health break. Time to get my psoriatic arthritis in check by starting Humira, get my messed up left ankle tendon surgically repaired and my foot reconstructed so it doesn’t happen again, and get my mental health up to snuff.
It’s been nine weeks since Cookie went home. In that time I’ve checked off some major boxes on my to-do list. I’ve switched antidepressants to wonderful effect. God I love pharma. Cymbalta for the win! I’ve done the foot and ankle surgery and am currently hopping around with a knee scooter unable to put weight on the foot, but the staples and stitches came out today, and I’m feeling a lot less pain, and well on my way to walking a bit on it again starting the 26th. And I take my first dose of Humira later today. Man I’m looking forward to that kicking in! I’ve also gotten better about taking my migraine preventive on schedule and have greatly reduced the number of migraines I get. Only thing left on my list is my ear surgery which I need to reschedule. I don’t feel like hopping my way to it. Soon, I’ll be able to hear again too.
What has this waiting period of no new placements been like? Honestly, so far it’s been positively delicious. I’ve been enjoying the hell out of Sprout and Kiddo. Loving every minute of their getting along and playing together. Secretly loving when they’re arguing over who gets to snuggle the Mama. Enjoying how smart and funny and sassy little Sprout is, with a sense of humor far beyond her meager almost-four years. Enjoying how much Kiddo has matured lately, turning into a good-natured, helpful, good kid I can have interesting conversations with. I love these kids more than anything in the entire world.
Doing right by them might mean no more full-time placements. It makes me sad to think of no new kids coming in, but it’s ok too. Both my kids want me to stick to just the two of them, especially Kiddo, who has ridden the wave of 12 other kids coming through our household, one of them staying hopefully for good. Kiddo has begged me to stop fostering, and I’ve listened and am granting her wish. Mostly.
This morning I told Kiddo she’s getting her old room back. we talked about colors and she settled on a lovely mature color scheme of turquoise and red and white and black.
She’s ecstatic to have her room back. The Guinea pigs will travel down the hall with her since she’s the one who loves them, and Sprout will get her room to herself again.
Sprout has asked for a rainbow color scheme, which is completely fitting. When Kiddo came to us her favorite color was blue, damnit. She has always been adamant that everything has to be blue. Period. End of story. It’s morphed from royal blue to a more turquoise color but never wavered. Sprout, when asked what her favorite color is, has a different favorite every single day. I love to ask her “what’s your favorite color today?” And see what her current answer is. So when she said she wanted a rainbow room it just seemed so perfect for her. She’s a rainbowy sort of kid.
We have some big travels planned with our kids. We are all going to Maine in August for 7 days camping in Downeast Maine, way up north of Acadia at a place called Cobscook Bay. It’s my favorite vacation place. Cool mossy woods and sunny rocky coastline intermingling with lighthouses and fresh seafood and scenic fishing villages. The girls have never been and I’m beyond excited to take them to my favorite spots.
Then just the day before yesterday, I had an email exchange with my bonus father (my best friend in high school had lovely wonderful parents who unofficially adopted me and affectionately refer to me still as their “other daughter.”) He lives in Ireland in the most magical spot, on hills overlooking the ocean up in the Kealties. He’s invited me to take my two beloved girls to visit him there, so they can explore his misty, fairy and sheep inhabited homeland. I broached the subject with Kiddo’s Mom who has agreed she can go and will work on getting her a passport. And I contacted Sprout’s case worker to see if we can get a passport for her before she’s adopted, because my beloved Bonus Father has some health worries and I desperately want to take the girls there while he’s still well enough to host two energetic younglings in his lovely home. He needs to read them Winnie the Pooh by firelight before bedtime like he did for me and my best friend and her brother all those years ago. He’s got the world’s best Eeyore voice. It and his magical home need to be shared with the next generation.
All the travel plans and healing are making things feel like perhaps we are entering the next chapter of our lives. We have taken in long-term foster placements for 6+ years pretty much non-stop. We’ve skimped on travel in order to accommodate their visit schedules. We’ve made our whole lives revolve around fostering. Perhaps it’s time to shift that and let these two kids we’ve been so lucky as to meet along the way have the peaceful stable home they’re asking for.
Will we stop entirely? I don’t think so. I think what I’d like to do is take in respite kids, and girls only. There will be room for the old trundle bed or pack-and-play to make an appearance in Sprout’s room, so we can still have the joy of meeting extraordinary new young humans once in a while. There’s a tremendous need for respite carers and I think once I’m healed we will be up to the task of taking a kid for a long weekend, a holiday, or a week at a time. That’s still a ways out – probably not until fall.
Until then, I’m going to love on these two kids and heal some more and settle into this slightly quieter but still rambunctious-enough life of parenting. We will focus on giving them amazing experiences and opportunities, and work toward adoption of Sprout (fingers crossed and prayers said and good energy sent that that goes smoothly and more quickly than they usually do). It all feels like it’s settling in the way it’s meant to.
sprinklesonachaoscupcake.com 