Surrender

Yesterday we went to court and witnessed Sprout’s loving Mama surrender her legal rights to her. It lasted only a little over an hour, but was one of the most difficult hours I’ve ever been through. Mama’s rights were explained to her in detail, and the surrender agreement reviewed in which Seth and I committed to visits between Sprout and her Mama. The judge was thorough, and unfailingly kind. Then signatures. Lots and lots of signatures. Then it was over.

Mama held it together amazingly well. She cried a little here and there but was poised and full of dignity. She did what she had to do, what her daughter needed her to do. But she came there alone without any support person, so as we were exiting the court room I offered her a hug. She took it, and sobbed and sobbed in my arms. I’ll never forget the smell of her silky thick hair: of delicious cooking onions, betel, and jasmine. I wiped her tears, told her we love her daughter and will bring her to see her soon, and that was it. We walked away from her shattered life back to our warm happy one.

The monumental weight of this occasion is not lost on me. A mother, full of love but unable to care for her child because of her own trauma, is signing over her legal right to someone else to raise her child. And we are the ones she is surrendering that right to. The right to raise a child – a human being – was transferred, to great consequence.

Mom’s life has been nothing but hardship, bad luck, and trauma. What a mess of a life. It makes me wax existential, wondering what the point of her life is.

Thank God in heaven this is what that little human being that is the subject of all this has been asking for lately. She’s tearfully stated that she doesn’t want to go to another home, and doesn’t want to go back to Mama Si Da, many times in the last few weeks. I don’t know if she has sensed the big shift that was coming, but her timing has been impeccable. At least I knew this is what she wants. If it happens a few years from now for her sister Sunny, who wants to go home, body and soul, I don’t know how I’ll be able to handle it. I’m praying for a reunion still. We’ve reassured Sprout that we hope she stays for good, too, and that we are doing everything we can to make that happen. In foster care I don’t dare promise her anything.

What’s next? Rights still need to be terminated for Dad, who has never appeared in court and can’t presently be located despite significant effort. It should be quick and relatively easy.

Then we get an adoption case worker assigned. And we fill out reams of paperwork. And our lawyer does things and the county lawyer does things. I don’t know the process even though I was once an attorney for the child. I never handled an adoption.

I pray we get there. I’ve been panicking a great deal that something could still go wrong. We are so close but still so far from adoption. I’ve seen things go wrong at this stage.

I think that day, assuming it happens, will be a happy occasion for all of us who will be involved, but we still have to get there, and between now and then I have some emotional work to do to figure out how to process and live with what happened yesterday.