Visit Fallout
I wrote last about the visit last Saturday being especially hard on the kids. What I should have predicted was the continuing fallout.
On Sunday, the girls woke up late and were just off somehow. So I asked them if they needed hugs and they both exclaimed “Yes!” and rushed over to me. I flopped down in a big squishy armchair and they climbed on me and we hung out in a cuddle puddle, listening to music for probably almost half an hour. My legs and arms were all pins and needles by the time they got up.
Luckily, we had plans on Sunday. My sister and niece were visiting from out of town, and the *very cool 18-year-old big kid* was the focus of the girls’ attention all day. I mean, my niece is completely awesome. So I get it!
Monday was a school morning. Nothing unusual occurred. But when the girls got off the bus in the evening I caught the exchange Sunny had with her bus driver and it was wildly inappropriate on Sunny’s part. He’s a big fun dude with a giant beard who likes to banter with the kids, but Sunny took it way too far, bellowing at him and taking a swipe at his face. She missed thank god, because he has good reflexes. But when Sunny got down the bus stairs and took a look at my face, she knew she was in for it. “Mommy, why don’t you look happy?”
Gee. I wonder.
So we had a long talk about appropriate behavior with adults. At the end she apologized to me, at which point I told her she was apologizing to the wrong person and she owed Mr Bob a big sincere apology the next morning. I supervised that apology. Thankfully he’s an understanding guy.
I figured we were good. But Tuesday afternoon I got a note from Sunny’s teacher. Sunny had been rude and aggressive for two days, interrupting friends and teachers, talking back, telling tall tales, and generally being disruptive. Fabulous.
Soooo, Sunny got the second lecture in two days, this time about appropriate behavior in school. We talked about how I knew she was upset about her visit but that she couldn’t take that out on other people, and there were healthier ways to cope with being upset. She’s got a fabulous time-out room in her classroom that she can use, full of soothing sensory inputs and away from the class. She can use it any time she needs to. She can tell trusted people that she feels sad or mad. She can ask for hugs, or to be left alone. But she can’t be rude and talk back. And interrupting and bossing around friends tends to make them mad and that doesn’t help with how she’s feeling.
Apparently between my lecture and the soothing passage of time, something worked. She apologized to her teacher this morning, and I got a note from her teacher that she had a much better day today. Hooray!
We’ve been blessed with a kind teacher who knew Sunny had gone for a visit and rightly attributed her behavior to being upset by it. There weren’t any harsh consequences, and none were deserved. My kid’s behavior was met with understanding and guidance rather than punishment.
I’m so glad her teacher got it. But many teachers don’t understand how visits can throw a kid off, and I wish more trauma information were taught to teachers so they could know why John was lashing out after seeing his mom for the first time in three months, and why Jane was terrible every Tuesday when she had visits on Monday evenings. It matters so much when you understand why a kid is having behaviors. Somehow it triggers compassion rather than frustration.
Update on their Sister
We still don’t know what’s going to happen with the girls’ big sister. The internal meeting to discuss what the agencies should do (send her here, or try to meet her needs where she is and how they’d do that) won’t happen until May 5th, so now we wait and wonder, plan but don’t plan, worry and get excited and try to temper the excitement and plan some more just in case.
I’m due for another surgery, this time on a severely arthritic toe with a massive bone spur. I’m going to have the joint fused and the spur removed. But I can’t schedule it until I know whether we have a new household member coming to us or not. The recovery should only be about a month, but I will have a week off the foot, so can’t be running around getting clothing and moving furniture right after I’ve had it done. So scheduling surgery is on hold for now.
Nemours
We have official approval for Sunny to go to Nemours now! We just got the word this morning. The insurance company issued the approval less than 24 hours after they got the last little bit of paperwork. It took them longer to change the name of Sunny’s PCP in their records than it did to issue the approval!
I immediately called Nemours, and they are working on scheduling. The plan is to have Sunny seen for the first time, and Sprout have her knee surgery, both in the same week. That way we could go down there in one trip, all 4 of us (5?) and save a drive down and back. We should know more about when they can make it all happen in the next few days. Hip hip hooray! We’re in for a round trip to Delaware and a Ronald McDonald House stay this summer.
I think that’s all the news from Lake Woebegone! TTFN!
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