The state of my house

My spicy 5-year-old had the chutzpah to announce this morning that she’s been telling her friends and her teacher that our house is “dirty.”

There’s lots to unpack around that.

First, she comes from a truly dirty house. Her Mama is not a good housekeeper, unfortunately. So though Sprout was referring to our house (I confirmed with her), she may have shame around the state of her Mama’s apartment which we still see on occasional visits.

Second, she hates our house because it’s old and quirky. When we visit newer homes she always exclaims how beautiful they are, even if they’re messier than ours. She likes new houses the way I like old ones.

Third? Who the heck knows. She’s 5. And as my friends have been reminding me this morning, kids are not very reliable witnesses to much at that age.

I confess I did not handle her announcement well. It wasn’t just that she thinks my house is “dirty,” it’s also that she’s told her teacher and friends that.

I used to work and bring home the larger salary and when I did I wasn’t so sensitive about the state of my house. It was messy a lot. I didn’t have time nor inclination to clean regularly and didn’t. I shrugged about it and cleaned for company and called it good enough. The art supplies lived on the kitchen table for weeks, the books built up in a tower next to my bed, and the dog fur gathered in occasional tumbleweeds.

Now though? I feel like I’ve lost all professional identity I ever had, and am still struggling to figure out how the hell I contribute to my household and the world now that I’m not working, especially since I live in a society that shames women for not being “productive members of society” when they are stay-at-home moms. (Yes, the shame is reverse too – there’s some shaming for women working while parenting as well, but having done both, I’m finding the shame around not working much harder to bear.)

I’m especially sensitive right now because I just spent almost 2 weeks scrubbing the shit out of my house. It’s my annual back-to-school scrub down. I’ve scrubbed light switches and walls, I’ve dusted and vacuumed, I’ve purged and organized, and I’ve deep cleaned bathroom and bedrooms. The house is neat as a pin, smells good, and is literally as clean as I can make this old house.

Well, ok, I could use to borrow my Dad’s power washer again because I’m a bit afraid of this rug, but at least nothing shows on it…

To boot, I’ve been feeling wicked proud of the state of my house after said deep cleaning! It looks and feels good to be in. It’s still lived-in and loved, but it’s clean and neat.

However, all this has made me realize it’s time for my kids to start with chores for three reasons: 1) self esteem, 2) learning to do household work, and 3) learning to appreciate what Mommy does all dang day.

So, I’m looking to YOU, dear readers, for age appropriate chore suggestions and ways to implement them. Dishes are kind of off limits because of their heights – there’s just too much they can’t really reach well.

So far the 🌶️ one just earned herself the chore of keeping the bathroom sink clean from toothpaste because she specifically complained about that. And the 9-year-old is good at taking out trash and emptying waste baskets. And both will now be responsible for washing placemats after meals, and making their own beds in the morning. But any other ideas some physically small kids can handle would be great!