It’s almost here!

Adoption Day for our little Sprout is the 17th of November – just 4 days away!

I’m starting (a little bit) to get excited. I’ve been holding back because I couldn’t believe it would ever actually happen. I’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop – for the agency to say “nope” and swoop in and remove the kids including Sprout. ANYTHING can happen in foster care, and I know someone that happened to. Some false allegations were made against her and she lost all 5 of the kids she was set to adopt soon. So all I’ve been able to do is hold on tooth and nail, and hope and pray.

But now that it’s almost actually here it’s time to make the plans!

We have left most of the planning up to the kids. Examples:

• We let Sprout decide what she wanted her name to be after adoption. She wanted to keep her first name, move her last name to her middle name (she didn’t have a middle name before), and add our last name. She is absolutely firm about this plan and as certain as I’ve ever seen her be. I’m so honored that she wants to take our last name! She’s pretty attached to her name so wanting to change it at all is a big deal. I never counted on it, and told her she could do whatever she wanted and we’d be happy.

• On the urging of a smart friend who is a child therapist, we let Sunny decide if she wanted to be at adoption day for the ceremony. Just as Sprout was sure about her name change, Sunny was sure about not being there. I’m not entirely sure what that’s about but I can guess. I think she’s mourning the fact that her family will never be “whole” again even if she goes home. Her littlest sister will be staying here. So she’s got the day off from school, but a good friend is going to babysit her for us. I’m so happy that friend is able to babysit – Sunny’s happy to be going there that day.

• We let Sprout decide who she wanted at the ceremony itself. She chose my Dad (who she has started calling “Pop Pop” lately – we’ll see if that sticks), and the good friend who recommended we let Sunny decide to decline attendance. I think the combo is absolutely perfect. The friend lost her job over Sprout’s staying with us in a throw-down with the agency a few years ago. She stood up for Sprout and for us, and thank heavens it worked out that Sprout could stay. It’s poetic that she’d be there for adoption day. And the fact that Sprout wants her new Grandfather to be there means she feels like a part of the family. She’d have loved to have my sister and niece there too, but they live overseas now and can’t make it. But perhaps a FaceTime will make her day complete.

I decided on the clothing for Sprout, and thank heavens she agreed to it. At least so far. I’ll have her in a traditional Burmese style Longyi with a pretty cream blouse, and Indian gold earrings with tiny (fake) rubies in them. I wanted a nod to her ethnicity on her adoption day, just to signify that we honor it. I think it would make her family happy too. Of course, the best laid plans… we’ll see if my goth child will decide it’s not enough black for her on the day of. Ha!

We’ve been engaging in preparations for the day for a while. We realized we needed a will, to direct where Sprout would go if something happens to my husband and me after adoption and to set up a trust for her. We also made some provisions for her siblings. We’ll go execute the wills today, just in the nick of time. Bless the friend at my old firm who prepared them for us!

I’ve also found a pediatrician for Sprout for after adoption, because the clinic she goes to now is only for foster kids. We selected a friend from church and are excited to work with her.

As soooooooon as we get that adoption certificate in hand, we need to:

• Take it to her medical clinic to release records to the new pediatrician
• Send it to her school so they know we are now authorized to sign everything for her and that her name has changed
• Send it to my husband’s work to add Sprout to his medical insurance
• Submit the info for a new social security card/number for her. This is important because sometimes there’s fraud involving a child’s social security number. We don’t want families of origin to be able to use it still. We are lucky that Sprout’s never would, but it happens often enough that new numbers after adoption are a thing
• Submit it to get a new birth certificate for her, which irks me no end. Her birth parents seem like they should be on her birth certificate, but no, our names get added to it instead of her birth parents. It’s just weird. I’ve got a secret copy of her original birth certificate stashed away so she can always see what it originally looked like
• Submit it to change her name on her passport
• And probably a plethora of other things I’m not thinking of!

It should be a sign of how I’m feeling that I cannot wait to be wading through all that bureaucratic nonsense. It will mean it’s actually happened!

I’m deeply curious to know how Sprout will do/feel on adoption day itself. She’s being adopted on the day of the county’s celebration of National Adoption Day. That means dozens of kids will be getting adopted that day, to a great deal of fanfare. We had to sign a release for photos because the press will be there. There will be balloons and ceremony and who knows what.

We had wanted a small private adoption ceremony for her in case she has some sad feelings about it because it means, in a way, losing her family for good, at least legally. She says she’s excited to join our family for good but I’m leaving room for sadness or grief or anger too, just in case. We’ll always leave room for those things.

Thankfully, after 3 1/2 years in foster care, we are the only family she remembers living with, and she’s longing to be ours for good. I’m so glad. I can’t imagine adopting a child who didn’t want to be adopted. It happens. I know Sprout’s feelings may ebb and flow and change over time, but right now this feels right.

I’m just sad it’s so hard for Sunny.

Adoption. It’s complicated for everyone involved.