My therapist introduced me to Silk + Sonder journals recently. They’re monthly journals, meaning they’re designed for people like me who lose interest in old things and get excited about new. Just as I’m losing interest in last month’s journal the next one arrives, fresh with a new theme and clean pages of possibility. There is also a lovely and supportive online community of Silk + Sonder users in an app that comes along with subscribing to the journals.
One of the things the journals include is a page for determining what “goals” you have for each day. Mine vary a little month-to-month, but have essentially included the following as goals for each day:
- Meditate (10 minutes)
- Sit in nature doing nothing (10 minutes)
- Walking
- Reading (10 minutes)
- Doing something creative
In total it requires about an hour each day to check off each box, though I seldom manage all of them in a day. Amazingly, though, I’m finding that just making a list and tracking my compliance is making me actually do those things more.
I’m not a rule breaker by nature. I feel like I should do those things because I’ve written them down. But also, I’ve started to recognize the effects of doing each of those little things on my well-being. And it’s massive, especially the meditation, sitting in nature, and reading.
***
It’s damp outside this morning, both from rain and the incredible humidity of yesterday. It’s dripping on me as I write this, though whether it comes from sky or trees overhead is a little unclear. I sat in my favorite outdoor chair and listened to bird songs for a solid 10 minutes before starting to write. My Merlin Bird ID app told me I was listening to the usual suspects (robin, cardinal, house finch, house sparrow, the ever-daft mourning dove, and the house wren that nested in our bird house this year). But I was delighted to hear some more unusual songs too (the shy ovenbird, the blazingly lovely Baltimore oriole, a Carolina wren).
Honestly, by the time I turned off the app I was feeling high off birds and cool-but-humid summer morning air.
(I’m also slightly mosquito bitten, but that’s neither here nor there. It just reminds me I’m human. Apparently I’m a juicy delicious one because damn, those things love me.)
***
Lately I’ve been making my way through the book Zen Encounters with Loneliness by my beloved friend Terrance Keenan, who just recently passed away. It is ostensibly about the practice of Zen Buddhism. It is more about the very human longing for connection and meaning in a world that can seem punishingly bleak in its obstacles, which in Keenan’s case were addiction and writer’s block. All of what Keenan writes about is grounded in nature, and my morning sit with the birds made me feel very connected with the book and the writer himself.
By the time I started writing this, I felt like I was breathing deeper and in connection with the wet grass under my toes and the singing birds. It turns out that’s a lovely way to start a day.
The theme for July’s Silk + Sonder journal is “curiosity,” and one of the pages is an acrostic prompt. When I finished mine I felt like it perfectly captures where I am with my re-discovery of the importance of tuning in to the natural world.
***
It’s amazing how 10 minutes each of meditation, time in nature, and reading are drilling through my toughened carapace. The last months of Sunny being here really took a toll, though truthfully it probably was longer than that that her being here was making me feel self-protective. She turned me into a rolly-polly pill bug emotionally. All the mean comments, fighting between the kids, and damage to my property did damage to me in ways I didn’t realize at the time. Now that she’s home where she wants to be and no longer a sad, confused dark cloud in my home, I am able to relax.
It helps, too, that I was finally awarded disability and we now don’t have to hold our breaths to make ends meet each month. And, it helps that it’s SUMMER, so I can sit outside without freezing to death and there are choruses of bird songs in the morning, and cicadas in the afternoons.
When I saw my therapist on Monday, she remarked that I looked “more well” than usual. She’s perceptive. She has noticed that the self-care I’m doing is making a difference. When I saw my psychiatrist on Tuesday, she, too, remarked on my appearance, noting that I look “happy.” And I suppose I’m trending that way, finally.
It’s not as though my worries are all resolved. Seth and I are still in couple’s counseling and have a long way to go. I’m stressing about the big trip Sprout and I leave for on Sunday. I’m mourning the loss of my friend Terry. I’m still big-time struggling with my health challenges, with fatigue in particular.
But doing the self-care items of time in nature, meditation, and reading are shifting something fundamental in me toward “solidly good.”
I encourage you to check out Silk + Sonder if you feel so inclined. But more, I encourage you to find little snippets of time for yourself. Find what makes you feel more whole and lean into it for 10 minutes each day. It’s a practice that is well worth finding time for.
sprinklesonachaoscupcake.com 