I wrote about how much I adore Tiny. And here’s where I worry aloud about her.
Tiny IS TINY. She’s finally in size 2T at age 3. She’s a Little Person, with a form of dwarfism that can’t be treated with growth hormones or anything else. All that can be done for her is treating all the many symptoms as they arise and watching carefully for complications.
I mentioned she has wonky knees and that’s because when she was born her knees bent backward and had to be entirely reconstructed. They work great but have a limited range of motion so she has a slightly unsteady looking gait. It doesn’t stop her and she has no idea there’s anything different about her walk. She’s three. She’s just thrilled to be able to run and walk and climb like any other three-year-old kid.
Yesterday we went to the zoo, as you do with three restless kids. The pastor of our church hosted an outing for all the church-school age kids, which was lovely and fun. But as we walked past the red panda enclosure a couple of teens walked past. One was walking in an exaggerated form of Tiny’s walk. And then he loudly said she “looks like a r****d.” He could only have been talking about Tiny. The other teen with him laughed, and the adult with them gave a half laugh and said “you prolly shouldn’t say that so loudly” or something along those lines.
I. Saw. Red.
For starters, who the fuck makes fun of a three-year-old kid with disabilities?! I’d guess the teen was around 13-15 range – I have a hard time reading ages of teens. He was just an ordinary looking kid. Loud, so he was looking to be overheard and get attention.
Secondly, how am I going to handle these encounters as Tiny grows up and becomes aware of what’s happening? She was totally oblivious yesterday, chattering about animals as the teen mocked her. Thank. The. Goddess. But she’s going to encounter kids like that one many many times.
I think in retrospect I could have said something to the man with them. But clearly he didn’t care about how offensive the kid with him was being. He was embarrassed I’d guess, but doesn’t have control enough of the teen to do anything about it.
What I wanted to do? VIOLENCE. I wanted to kick the kid’s legs out from under him as he did his exaggerated walk. And I wanted to slap the smirk off his face. I quashed the instinct of course because hello, I’m a freaking adult and he’s a misguided kid. But holy sweet fancy Moses, I didn’t know I had that kind of instinct in me. I’ll, eh hem, mention it to my therapist this week. It probably should be addressed because the urge was STRONG.
I need to master my own emotions because Tiny’s emotions will need all the focus in these situations as they arise and she becomes aware of them. I love children – kids are my career and my home life because I love kids so much – but good goddamn they can be mean. Usually it’s the ones with issues at home who are so brutal, though that hardly helps the bullied kid feel that much better. I need to be strong for Tiny, let her know I’m angry on her behalf but not act out of anger. Let her know I’m sad that she’s sad and that it’s ok to be sad. And I need to strategize for how to deal with each bully as s/he arises, through teachers and parents and school administration as needed.
Tiny is a very feisty kid. She has no idea there’s anything wrong with her and it shows in her confidence. She has the courage to sass back at Kiddo when Kiddo is trying to control her. She knows she’s smart and pretty and can climb whatever she has the nerve to tackle. I’ll do everything in my power to encourage that confidence, helping her participate in any activities she wants to try (and is medically cleared for). That amazing confidence is what will help her deal with the bullying that will surely come her way.
But I need to not beat up the kids who bully her. Heh. I’ll work on that instinct. I promise.
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