I’ve written a little bit about my work history previously here. If you don’t feel like reading the old post, in short, my work story is as follows:
I went to Cornell Law School, and went straight to a law firm of roughly 65 attorneys where I worked for 15 years practicing environmental and zoning law. After years of struggling to balance work and my health issues (see here and here) and my demands at home, and of wrestling with feeing like I wasn’t making enough difference in the world, I quit the law firm and totally reinvented myself. I did that right at the same time Covid hit. Spectacular timing.
My new line of work was working as an Attorney for the Child, representing children in custody disputes and neglect and abuse proceedings. It was as hard as it sounds. The stories of the things these kids had to endure were awful. There were so many times when I couldn’t really do much to help the kids. There were so many times when I wanted to throttle parents who were so busy fighting each other, they couldn’t see what terrible impact they were having on their kids. I was constantly being hated by one parent or another, or both. I was constantly stressing about court appearances and trials and doing the job well enough. I was procrastinating important tasks because I knew they would be contentious (also ADHD). I was basically drowning in the work, and in the stress about the work.
To top it all off, I was making very, very little money because I don’t have an assistant and spent a ton of time on administrative tasks I couldn’t bill for. Plus I could only bill for cases when they concluded, so while I had lots of time on the books, I couldn’t get paid for it yet. Plus I was wasting time worrying about tasks rather than doing them. And on top of all of that, the rate of reimbursement for Attorney for the Child work is woefully low. It’s just not prioritized as important by our state.
Meanwhile, I am a foster mom, and I was feeling like I was failing at that because I never had enough energy for the kids. Sprout would come home from school and watch tv most days because I was shatteringly exhausted from my work and stress. I couldn’t keep up with Little Dude. My house was always messy, and my husband was always begging me to cook good healthful meals (he tries but I’m the family chef). But I was so damn tired in the evening, most of the time all I could do was sit and wait until the kids could go to bed so I could do so too.
Last weekend, Seth was working 12 hour shifts both days, but I happened to be feeling good all weekend. I also happened to have a Mother’s Helper for Saturday. She’s a great kid, 15, and she helped tremendously by herding the three kids while I scrubbed and organized and did laundry. I got so much done. I continued cleaning on Sunday, too.
By the end of the weekend I was tired but the house looked and felt great, and I had actually enjoyed the entire weekend. I had played with the kids a bunch on Sunday, and invented creative ways to involve them in my cleaning. Sprout loves to “help,” and Little Dude loved that I was toting him everywhere with me. In short, it was a wonderful weekend.
Then Sunday night I could not sleep. I was dreading work, and so sad that I couldn’t always keep up with the house and kids because of work and my health. I thought about how my most important job is being a foster mom, and that I wasn’t doing it very well. I thought about my health issues and how they weren’t going to improve if I continued to drown in stress.
Sometime around 2 a.m., I sort of broke. And then an epiphany happened.
When we woke up Monday morning, I told Seth I wanted to quit my job completely and entirely. To my amazement, he said “Do it. I’ll pick up enough overtime hours to make ends meet for a while.” So I spent Monday writing letters to Judges, asking them to reassign my cases.
By Monday evening I was beside myself with joy. I felt so free! Liberated. Joyful. Un-stressed.
I’m still reveling in the feeling of having enough energy to do all the things on my to-do list. Yesterday when Sprout came home from school, we played together for hours and worked on her counting skills. Her case worker came over for a last-minute home visit, and the house was presentable. I’m still wrapping up loose work ends and have a lot of billing to do for all my cases that I’ve worked on to date, but the stress is just completely gone.
I had a brief but lovely conversation with one of my favorite Judges yesterday about autoimmune issues, and my work. She was sad to see me leave the field and complimented me on the work I had done. She was understanding and didn’t blame me for quitting, which was wonderful. She will welcome me back to her courtroom with open arms when I’m ready to return to legal work.
What’s next for me? For a while, a stint as a stay-at-home foster mom. We’ve got Sprout, and Kiddo on weekends, and we are open for placement of girls with medical issues ages newborn to about 6. I suspect it will be a while before we get another placement because kids with medical issues don’t come into care that often. For now, I’ll focus on these two beloved kids and the 6 ridiculous but loved cats, and keeping up with the house and cooking. I’ll have the energy to play with the kids and take them places. I’ll get to nap when I need it. And I’ll focus on getting my medications settled so I feel better.
Eventually I will be going back to work but in a different capacity – I’ll be doing adoptions and kinship guardianship (which is basically permanently placing children with relatives when their parents can’t raise them). It should be infinitely less contentious work which will suit my tender heart better. It’s much needed work because there aren’t many attorneys who do it well and they’re aging. I’ve got training materials I can work on and I’ll ease back into work in a way that balances my health and foster care without draining the life out of me.
But not quite yet. I want to enjoy my foster mom life for a bit before I dive back in.
sprinklesonachaoscupcake.com 