Some Sunshine

On Tuesday, Sprout’s sister “Sunny” (8) joined us for… well, for now. It’s foster care so who the heck knows for how long? There are some relatives who may take her and her three other siblings (5), (12), and (13) soon. Or maybe it won’t work out. Maybe she’ll leave next week. Or maybe she’ll be here forever. Or something in between. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

For now, Sprout is enjoying the heck out of having her sister’s company, and I’m so happy for her to have this opportunity to get to know her sister better. That’s the primary reason we agreed to have her come here – Sprout needs to know her family, her language, and her culture. And the poor kid needed somewhere good to go.

Of course there are three other siblings and we could not possibly put all of them anywhere. We’d need two more bedrooms, including one on the ground floor for the oldest because of mobility challenges. But we had just enough room in Sprout’s bedroom to squeeze in a second twin bed, so we took the only girl who could climb our stairs.

I am struggling with not being able to take all the kids. The other three are together but in a different foster home and I’m so so worried about them. It’s not a home we know and I don’t know that it’s a good one. There are so many terrible foster homes out there! And the oldest has major pressing medical needs and I don’t know if they’re getting met. It’s breaking my heart to separate the kids. Did we do the right thing by taking one of the siblings? I’m feeling like Judas. But feeling like Judas is part of the job. It’s not the first time I’ve felt this way about siblings being separated.

As is always the case, the first night is so hard for everyone. In the morning, we found Sunny sound asleep with Sprout in Sprout’s bed, and while that’s strictly prohibited in foster care for obvious reasons, I’m glad she had the spirit to seek out comfort and found it.

Sprout and Sunny get along like a house afire. When the case worker dropped Sunny off the girls ran toward each other and hugged and hugged and hugged. I thought my heart would burst. They spend most of their time being silly and giggling and laughing. There’s a wonderful camaraderie between the two. That said, they are indeed sisters.

“She’s a copier.”
“No I’m not!”
“Yes you are.”
“No I’m not!”
“Yes you are.”
“No I’m not!”
“Stop scratching me with your dragon claws!”
“I’m NOT!”

Ha! They have their moments. But a few minutes later their heads were bent together and they were giggling again, so they forgive each other readily.

Sunny is a big part of the reason the two get along so well. She merits her nickname. She’s just a happy, sweet, good-natured kid who humors her slightly spoiled baby sister endlessly. She’s talkative and bright. She’s trilingual – English is her third language and she’s doing incredibly well with speaking it. That said, there are significant academic challenges. I’m glad I feel like our school district is up to the task! If she’s even here when school starts. Who knows if she will be.

Kiddo has not been added to the mix yet and to be honest, I’m dreading that interaction. The kids are so very different. Kiddo is street smart and urban. She likes Cardi B explicit version, and knows what her Starbucks order is. Sunny has been somewhat isolated in her family’s culture. Tattoos, swearing, and showing your shoulders are prohibited.

Sunny has said some things about Black people that make me cringe down to my toenails – she’s been taught some things she’ll have to unlearn. She was shocked when I told her Kiddo is Black. Prejudices run deep and I pray her interactions with Kiddo can be positive and help reshape her perceptions. But Kiddo can also be a bit of a bully when she’s jealous or uncomfortable and will have to be watched like a hawk around Sunny. We are not inviting Kiddo here this weekend when Seth is working, and next weekend I’ll plan a special outing with just Kiddo and me so she knows she’s still special in our family. It’s the best plan I could come up with. Lots of time for Sunny to adjust before Kiddo gets here, and two parents to supervise interactions when it happens.

In most ways Sunny is an ordinary 8 year old. She likes making slime (we’ve made four big batches and she wants to make more still!), eating French fries, wearing new clothes, and painting her fingernails. She’s struggling mightily with missing her Mama and siblings but is putting on a brave face for everything. She’s facing lots of medical appointments (she is a Little Person like Sprout, and has complications that come with that), but is doing so stoically. She’s testing the waters to find out just how much she can get away with in this new environment and I take that as a good sign that she’s comfortable here already.

We are so lucky to be able to get to know her.