Twice now I’ve gotten dressed in a dress and a hijab and taken Sunny to Arabic class at her mosque. She’s a sight in her own hijab – bursting with pride about being Muslim and looking pretty all dressed up. I so wish I could share pictures of her – she just radiates joy when she gets her hijab on.
I, on the other hand, experience waves of apprehension about the whole thing. I hate being in situations where I don’t know what I’m doing and I feel so out of place there even though I’m dressed appropriately. I know I take my shoes off in the entryway. I know I keep my head covered and my clothing modest. But beyond that I’m at a loss. Where do I go? What do I do when I’m there?
The classes go from 10-1:30 and there are prayers at 1:30. Yesterday I spoke to a man I’ve talked to before. I’m not sure if he’s the Imam or just a person of authority there generally. He has been super kind and welcoming, and yesterday asked if Sunny could stay for prayers after class. I didn’t understand him fully because he has a thick accent and I was busy smiling and nodding before I realized what I’d agreed to. I had to go pick up Kiddo but had agreed Sunny could stay for prayers that could last literally any length of time; 15 minutes or 3 hours could pass while I stood around waiting.
Thank heavens it was 15 minutes and Kiddo has a sense of humor. When I texted her the story, she thought it was hysterical that I had no idea what I’d just agreed to.
Sunny desperately wants me to do prayers with her rather than standing awkwardly in the entryway waiting for her. But I’m anxious about the fact that I have no idea what to do when I’m praying with her; when to bow and what to say/do are not things I know.
There’s hope on the horizon though.
Yesterday I met the loveliest couple while I was waiting for Sunny. A gentleman was milling about like me and I struck up conversation by commenting on the unbelievable amount of energy the little boys running around had. He eventually asked me if I was born in the US. I said yes, and then he asked if I had converted to Islam as an adult. I explained that I’m not Muslim, but have Muslim kids. He looked so puzzled! I don’t usually go into much explanation about my kids to strangers but had mercy on this kind man trying to make polite conversation with me, and explained that I have foster children who are Muslim and I was there for one of them to attend Sunday School.
He didn’t know what foster care is, so I explained the basics: when parents can’t raise their kids safely and healthily, sometimes an agency takes the kids away and places them with strangers. To a man from Turkey who is a devoted father, he was shocked by the whole concept, and frankly, when I stood back and explained it that way, it sounded shocking to me too. He said “Do you do this from the goodness of your heart?” I had to say yes, I suppose I do. What a peculiar thing to volunteer for though when I stand back and think about it!
At that point he called his wife over and told her what I had shared with him. Both were astonished that I would take in a stranger’s children, that I would then take them to a mosque for religious education when I’m not Muslim myself, and that I would wear a hijab myself out of respect.
We all talked for a little while longer and I found out they are both PhD candidates at the nearby university. They are teaching reading classes at the Mosque on Fridays, and while it’s too long of a drive for us to make it in time, they offered to share a reading list with me so my kids can have some bedtime stories that feature Muslim kids. I’m stoked for that.
Then they offered to answer any questions I may have about Islam, so I can understand some basics about holidays and protocol and prayers so I don’t feel so out of place and have some clue what I’m doing raising Muslim kids. The woman offered to have my family over some time. Our kids could play with her son, and she could go over some basics for us.
I’m so happy. It’s exactly what we need! I want to do a good job raising these kids and would love to know more about another religion just because it’s fascinating to me. I love learning about other faiths, and this one is important to me because of my kids. Plus these folks seem so kind and nice, and having new friends in our lives is always so welcome.
It really truly does take a village, or in this case, a remarkably large community. The folks at our school district have been over the top excellent with our kids, teaching them and caring for them in the most wonderful ways. We have good friends we just got to share Burmese food with on Saturday who have welcomed us into their home and lives. We have a former therapist for Sprout who continues to love on our kids whenever she has time. Their case worker and her supervisor are excellent and caring – true gems in a broken system. Sprout’s riding instructor treats her with utmost respect and gentleness. Our church community is full of loving kind people who dote on our kids.
If nothing else, these girls are going to learn that there are good people in this world who care about other human beings. They’ve been through hell being removed from their mother and siblings and extended family and culture and faith community and all that was familiar. But I’m going to surround them with as many good caring people as I possibly can. It won’t make up for their trauma, but maybe it will give them a little hope and happiness in this crazy life they’re leading.
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