Tonight we went to a barn dance at the farm where Sprout rides horses. It’s a program primarily for disabled people, so most folks who ride there have physical or intellectual disabilities or both. It’s an amazing program.
I found it a JOY to be surrounded by people who weren’t giving the kids weird looks. They both have pretty significant physical disabilities, they’re Little People, and it’s sometimes apparent that Sunny has intellectual disabilities. When we are in public, adults will give the kids assessing looks that linger way too long, and give us sympathetic glances, and it makes me so wildly uncomfortable.
But none of that at the barn dance! Total acceptance just where they’re at. No one condescended to the kids or us. It was wonderful.
I didn’t realize how much I need that kind of community now. It’s one of the reason it’s so great to get together with one of my friends from high school and her family – all her kids have disabilities or challenges of some kind so no one thinks twice about my kids’ disabilities there, other than worrying about how to make things accessible for them. It’s a breath of fresh air.
This is something I need to do some work around. I need to be immune to people’s innocent curiosity and occasional rudeness. I need to be able to champion my kids at the drop of a hat, and not be stymied by someone else’s discomfort about them. Why are we as a species so uncomfortable around people who are different? How can we make that better?
One thing I can suggest is to let your kids be curious and don’t shut them down if they ask a question. I remember one time walking through Target with Kiddo when she was about 5, and a lady who is a Little Person walked by us. Kiddo promptly asked me why she was so short, and I just replied that she’s a Little Person and some people are shorter than others. Kiddo was satisfied, she wasn’t made to feel ashamed of having asked a fair question, and the lady in question who overheard it all? Turned to me and gave me a broad smile and nod. Making kids feel ashamed for being curious just makes them feel uncomfortable around people who are different, and that discomfort can carry on into adulthood.
The other thing I can suggest is to expose your kids to people who are different – different races, different identities, different abilities. When I wore my hijab the other day to pick up Kiddo, I expected her to tease me about it. To my surprise, she told me I looked pretty in it instead! When I told her I was surprised and delighted that she wasn’t picking on me she just shrugged, and said “some kids at school wear them. It’s not like it’s a big deal.” Hooray for diversity in schools!
If it’s hard to expose your kids to people are different because you’re in a homogenous community? At least get them books about kids who are different.
Random recommendations here: there aren’t many kids’ books about kids with dwarfism, but my girls have a favorite: Mummy There’s a New Girl
If you have young kids, add it to their roster. Or, if you have older kids who are readers, get them The Thing About Georgie.
My kids will thank you for helping your kids understand that they’re just like everybody else.
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