Every year I’m asked by our agency if I’ve done any “training” on foster parenting. It’s part of our recertification process and I want to talk a little about the training I do almost daily.
To become a foster parent, there is a training requirement. It’s a class, which for us was 11 weeks I think, one night a week, for 3 hours. I’m going back in my brain’s archives here so take the specifics with a grain of salt.
After that though, regular foster parents in my area are not required to do ongoing training, which I think is a massive mistake.
For us, and for any foster parent who takes kids that are at a higher rate of pay because of their disabilities or difficulty in managing, there is a tiny training requirement. I think it’s like 5 hours a year maybe? It’s minimal, honestly. I always overshoot it by something like 100 hours. Almost anything seems to count, from formal training sessions to reading relevant books to listening to relevant podcasts.
So what DO I do for training? Here’s a quick-ish summary:
Podcasts. A lot of podcasts.
I’m an avid podcast listener. I love them. The podcast I listen to that I list when I renew my license each year is called Creating a Family.
There are episodes on infertility, which are obviously not relevant and which I skip, but there are outstanding episodes that dive deep into the difficulties you can face as a foster parent or adoptive parent. Some examples of episodes I’ve found good are:
- Talking with your adopted or foster child about the hard parts of their story
- Kinship caregivers & the hidden foster care system
- What it’s like to be in foster care: former foster youth speak out
- Partnering with birth parents in foster care
- Attachment 101
- Impact of prenatal exposure to opiates, opioids, methadone, suboxone, and other common drugs
Those topics are directly relevant to foster care and count toward my training.
I also listen to other podcasts that are relevant to my little ones, that may or may not qualify as “training” but honestly should in my case.
I’ve just started listening to I’m Kind of a Big Deal, which is a podcast that interviews all sorts of famous people who happen to have dwarfism.
My two girls, Sunny and Sprout, are Little People. They both have the same relatively uncommon form of dwarfism, and it affects their lives in every way. From joint problems that cause them chronic pain, to difficulty ambulating, to needing step stools in every room, to the emotional toll of always being the littlest one in their class, dwarfism is indeed a big deal. So I need to understand everything about it, from how to make the best physical accommodations for them, to how to support them emotionally through bullying, to what to say to them when they complain that their chronic pain is particularly bad that day, to how it’s going to affect their careers. This podcast is amazeballs. Does it count as training? Probably not because it isn’t directly about foster care, but in our family it should!
The last podcast topic I’ll mention is podcasts on Islam. My girls are Muslim, and I’m so not. I have learned a fair bit about Christianity and Buddhism in my life but am an abject novice when it comes to Islam. So, I need a crash course. What better way to get it than through fascinating little podcast episodes? Im currently picking through the following podcasts to learn about how Islam fits in with modern life, and how to teach my kids about their faith. Good Muslim, Bad Muslim; Tell Them, I Am; and Interfaith Voices podcasts all have relevant episodes. Most of the episodes I’ve listened to are about ordinary people living their lives who happen to be Muslim. Again, I highly doubt the hours I spend listening to these podcasts count toward my formal training since they aren’t specifically about adoption or foster care, but they’re fabulously helpful in raising the specific kids I’m raising.
Formal training
There’s an organization called AFFCNY, which stands for Adoptive and Foster Family Coalition of New York. It offers tons of great training opportunities. I always try to catch the keynote speakers in their annual conference. As a lawyer, you can imagine I’ve been to – and taught – a lot of conferences. AFFCNY takes the cake as the best conference keynotes I’ve ever attended. Every year.
This past year the keynote speakers were Sixto Cancel, who is a former foster youth who is working to change the entire foster care system, and frankly, the man has the energy, insight, and skills to do so. He’s amazeballs. The other keynote speaker was Sharon McDaniel, who is working to transform kinship care, which is kids living with family members other than their parents, or other family friends, rather than being in foster care with strangers.
AFFCNY is a rich resource, with regular presentations, and a gathering and publication of other resources for foster parents as well. Some of their stuff is free, some is for a fee, and everything I’ve attended so far has been worth every cent and then some.
Books books books
I’m a reader, and as I get older, increasingly a listener. I listen to audiobooks constantly. My favorites are memoirs, and among memoirs, my favorites are those that address racism and/or foster care.
Some of the relevant books I’ve read or listened to and recommend are:
- The Last Black Unicorn by Tiffany Haddish (I can’t recommend this highly enough! Excellent book. Funny as hell, and also gut wrenching.)
- Garbage Bag Suitcase by Shenandoah Chefalo
- To the End of June by Cris Beam
- Another Place at the Table by Kathy Harrison
- And in my queue, not a memoir but most especially relevant: What White Parents Should know about Transracial Adoption by Melissa Guida-Richards and Paula Guida
In sum
Honestly, life as a foster parent is a lesson in itself. I’m currently learning how to navigate CSE and CPSE meetings and the art of crafting an IEP for a child together with a school district. We have a badass school district that is accommodating our girls amazingly, but it’s still a lot of work and attention on my part to get through the process. I’m learning all the ways Occupational Therapy can be used to help a kid, and the nuances of how a school gets authorization to do physical therapy with kids.
I’m continuously learning about medical stuff with these kids. It’s nonstop. Dislocated hips? New to me so I’m learning about how her body is compensating. Dislocated knees? We are learning how to build a bicycle that she can ride with her limited mobility. LIFE is my foster care educator.
I get overwhelmed with all I need to learn for these girls and all they’re facing. They’re transracially placed in foster care, and learning in their own ways how racism exists in their lives. We have to know how to address that with them before it happens if possible. They’re Little People, and facing everything from pain to difficulty navigating their environments to strangers’ weird comments. They’re Muslim in a country that doesn’t like Islam very much out of ignorance. And they both have educational special needs. Plus they’re just plain kids living in foster care, missing their Mom and siblings and familiar food and culture.
It’s so much. Its a lot for me to learn to navigate, yes, but way more for them to learn to live. It’s absolutely remarkable that we have two generally happy, feisty, loving kids. I hope to God it stays that way.
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