“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’”
Fred Rogers
Foster care is full of darkness. It’s full of abuse, heartbreak, and tragedy. It’s full of underpaid and overworked social workers, and it’s full of people doing the wrong things for the wrong reasons. The “system” can be maddening, frustrating, and so overwhelming that good people run away screaming.
But the longer I do foster care, the more I’ve learned that there are Helpers, just as Mr. Rogers said. They tend to be quietly working away at their jobs, but when you look closely, you realize they’re hidden gems, a wealth of knowledge, and oozing caring all over the place. You just have to figure out how to find them, and hang onto them once you do.
The Medical Care Sitch
As anyone who reads my blog regularly knows, we have been fighting tooth and nail to get Sunny the medical care she needs. In sum, Sunny and Sprout both have Medicaid and are both in foster care, but had different insurance carriers. One carrier has been great to work with, and the other has sucked. One carrier approved taking Sprout to Delaware to Nemours Children’s Hospital for specialized treatment for complications from her form of dwarfism, and the other carrier denied the request and a subsequent appeal.
The obvious thing to do was change Sunny’s carrier to Sprout’s carrier. Buuuut it’s foster care, and that’s easier said than done. After several months of working on it and mounting frustration, I was finally today able to get on the phone with the right person, and bam! Just like that, she switched carriers for Sunny! She was kind, knowledgeable, and efficient. I just wish I’d found her sooner!
The change doesn’t take effect until April 1, and then we still have to go through the pre-approval process, but in theory, Sunny will be able to go down to Nemours sometime early this summer.
It’s going to be life changing for Sunny, who lives with chronic knee and back pain that can get pretty intense. She’s going to have a team of specialists, and an orthopedic surgeon who specializes in pediatric patients with dwarfism. He knows what he’s doing. And I’m fairly convinced there are some things that can be done to improve Sunny’s mobility and quality of life, or at least prevent them from getting worse. I’m so excited!
Anyway, my first instinct when I got the change made was to call the woman at the pediatrician’s office who has handled all the insurance paperwork. She worked incredibly hard to make Nemours happen for Sprout and fought long and hard with the insurance company for Sunny. When I got her on the phone, she was nearly as excited as I am. She’s been hanging onto Sunny’s files hoping we could make something work out for her, and is all over the process of requesting pre-approval from the new carrier. This woman has put sweat and nearly tears into this process for two little girls she barely knows. She’s definitely a Helper.
The case worker is the next person I told, and she sent me back a quick email filled with celebratory emojis. She’s been nearly as frustrated as I’ve been trying to figure out how to make this happen. She’s one of the seriously overworked and underpaid, but is definitely also a Helper. She’s been great through everything.
The third person I told is the case manager at Nemours who wrote a supportive letter to try to get the insurance carrier changed for Sunny. She’s a fiery advocate for her pediatric patients, but also kind and loving with them. She’s most definitely a Helper. And she’s thrilled we are making this happen.
THEN I told my group of three friends from college that I talk with on Messenger daily, and they’re thrilled. They’re not Helpers inside the system, but they do keep me sane, grounded, and healthy enough to keep fighting for the kids. Yep, definitely Helpers.
Then I told my husband, who arguably I should have told first. He’s having a rotten day, and was happy to get some good news.
So hooray for all the Helpers I’ve found in this crazy Medicaid dystopian world! And hooray for getting it done, finally!
The School Sitch
I think I’ve raved about my school district before on this blog? But if not, let me do so now.
I’ve got two kids with IEPs and different educational needs. Sunny’s educational needs are pretty darn intense. She’s got lots of extra services and is in an inclusion classroom and is still struggling to learn to read at age 9. Sight word memorization isn’t really working for her. I’m trying phonics at home. But she’s really struggling with the basics still.
There are at least four distinct reasons for the struggle:
- For starters, she definitely has some learning difficulties.
- But second, she is learning English now, while she’s learning everything else. Her native language is a Burmese dialect. She knows some Arabic. But English is a learned language for her, past the age where language learning is super easy for the brain.
- Third, she has had very little sustained educational instruction until this year. Her prior school district basically wrote her off, and put her in a “life skills” class rather than one that emphasized academic instruction, so this year, in 2nd grade, she’s getting sustained and focused academic instruction for the first time.
- And finally, her school attendance was abysmal prior to this year. I mean, she went to school less than half the required days when she was at home. Sigh.
My district dove into the above challenges headfirst. They got her in the right classroom right off the bat, with an amazing teacher. The class has a whopping 8 kids in it, with a teacher and three teaching assistants. They got her in PT and OT right at the start, and the occupational therapist is amazeballs. The whole team surrounding this kid is working their tails off to help her learn. Her first report card looked grim; “not likely to meet goals” was the theme. But by the winter report card, they’d gotten her to “likely to meet goals” across the board. She’s working hard, which I didn’t expect out of her (she’s been pretty discouraged throughout her life about her ability to learn and accomplish things).
Today I got a call from the school psychologist. She wanted to let me know Sunny had flunked the initial speech and language screening they put her through pretty spectacularly, and would I consider allowing them to do full testing on her so she can qualify for those extra services and get started with them ASAP? Durn tootin’, I would. I had been thinking just yesterday that perhaps Sunny needed speech therapy added to her roster. That they’re anxious to get services started as soon as possible is amazing to me. Frankly, they care. And I’m still surprised by their eagerness to put more services in place for this kid. No arm twisting. No effort on my part. They do all the work.
While I had her on the phone, I inquired with the school psychologist about whether we could get Sunny on the list for summer school so we don’t have a bunch of backsliding over the summer. The psychologist didn’t know but would reach out to the teacher for me. Not 10 minutes later I had a message from Sunny’s teacher about the speech and language testing, and agreeing that summer school seems like a great idea for Sunny. It was so… easy!
I can’t believe how eager this school district is to help Sunny learn. It’s an entire district of Helpers, and that’s no exaggeration. Everyone knows both Sunny and Sprout. They’re adored and protected and taught with the greatest caring and enthusiasm. I could not possibly ask for more! And when I told the case worker about the speech and language testing and the summer school, she was all excited for Sunny, too. Again confirmation that she’s a Helper who cares a great deal.
They’re out there, folks. Helpers. Sometimes they’re hard to find and sometimes they’re easy to forget about when you’re drowning in frustration. But they are there, and they’re quietly doing their best for the kids. I bet I’m going to keep finding them wherever I need them!
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