It’s funny. I’d been longing to adopt Sprout for so long, and so worried it would not happen, that when it did actually happen I was a bit gobsmacked for a day or two. Could it really have taken place?! Finally?!
But then, life just carried on, as it has a way of doing!
Nothing has changed. Everything has changed. But mostly nothing.
We still get up in the morning and send her to school. She still goes to Girl Scouts when schedules and health allow (which – sheesh – is proving a challenge!) She still loves all things dark and creepy. She still fights with her sister and with Kiddo when she’s here. She’s still a fashionista with a personality far too big for her tiny frame – it oozes out at every opportunity. She still calls us Mommy and Daddy. We still go on visits to see her first Mom and siblings once a month.
What has changed is the ability to make medical decisions for her, and that is proving to be a joy in and of itself! For a kid with major medical issues, having control of the helm is a relief. We found her a new pediatrician – a family friend – and I filled out reams of paperwork to get alllllll her medical records transferred there. I now have access to her patient portal for Nemours. She’s on our medical insurance, and we don’t have quite as many ludicrous hoops to jump through for it as we did with Medicaid (though it isn’t exactly hoop-less).
I realized the full joy of the situation last week when Kiddo was sick. Kiddo wound up with us with what sure looked to me like strep throat. She spiked a fever of 105.7 and had a sore swollen throat with white spots. I needed to get her to a pediatrician or urgent care, and the former is the cheaper route to go so that’s what her Mom wanted to try first. Well holy bejeebers. What a task. Her Mom called her pediatrician’s office – one of the major organizations in the city that takes mostly Medicaid patients and will accept any of the forms of Medicaid for kids. And she called. And she called. And she tried their portal.
It took 3 hours on a Wednesday morning to get the response from them that they could get kiddo in in several days – late Friday afternoon. A kid with a fever of 105.7 and likely strep – which becomes, you know, scarlet fever. You have got to be kidding me.
We eventually got her into an urgent care and got her antibiotics that evening, but really?! Three hours to tell us offhandedly they couldn’t see her for basically three days?! I almost signed Sprout up for that office too, because it was recommended by her old pediatrician, but oh hell no. Not today Satan. I want a pediatrician’s office that isn’t so overbooked that it no longer cares about the kids! And I have the luxury of having found one.
It makes me incensed that this is the care that children with Medicaid get. Most offices don’t take Medicaid managed care plans, or if they do, they aren’t accepting new patients. And don’t even try to get children dental care with Medicaid – we’ve been paying out of pocket for our foster kids to get regular cleanings for a while now because the options are either nonexistent (Sunny’s old dentist quit, and the practice called to tell us they weren’t going to be able to reschedule her because they weren’t even sure if they were going to hire a new dentist) or have an absolutely abysmal reputation. And I mean abysmal. God bless our dentist who cleans their teeth and does their x-rays and doesn’t charge us for the x-rays because he knows they’re foster kids and we are paying out of pocket because the options out there suck. And thank heavens Sprout now has our dental insurance that covers cleanings and x-rays!
What else has changed? Everything and nothing, everything and nothing.
I’ve been pretty miserable physically. I’ve been off my immunosuppressants for a while (like basically a month and a half) because I keep getting colds/sinus infections that take forever to recover 100% from, or I’m trying to avoid getting things like strep throat. That has led to a massive flare up of ulcerative colitis, so bad I’m counting down to when I can next take Tylenol and am on heavy doses of steroids to try to control it. Steroids themselves are fun. Who needs sleep, after all?! I started writing this at 3:30 a.m. out of boredom from my insomnia. Whee!
Also, my antidepressant called it quits about 2 months ago too. That happens like frigging clockwork every year and a half. I now have three SNRIs that I cycle through so it’s not like I have to face a total mystery of what drug to try next, thankfully. But titrating off one med and onto the next takes a full month, and then it takes a little more time for it to fully kick in. And every time this happens – and I mean every time – I stubbornly deny it’s happening for a solid month before I give up and text my psychiatrist that it’s happening again and I need to change meds, and could she call in something please? She’s beyond fabulous – always calls me back the same day to discuss it (even from glorious vacation spots, bless her) so I have no delay there. But man, it’s a gloomy miserable time for a few months before I start feeling better.
It doesn’t help that November was horribly gray. And it’s cold again. So seasonal affective disorder plays a role too.
I’m curious if adoption will feel different once I start to feel better? I think I’m starting to turn the mental health corner. I’m just waiting for the physical one to shift, which will help with the mental health issues too. Will adoption sink in in some other new way? Maybe! Or maybe not.
Either way I’m good with it. Because I’m officially this kid’s Mom now, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
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