We’re all on the struggle bus right now.
For one thing, we are waiting for good weather eagerly, and being thwarted. So far NY has offered us an earthquake and an eclipse for April, and today there’s a bit of sun, but we are all feeling cooped up and are wanting SUN and WARMTH enough to garden and play outside. This time of year always makes me antsy.
For another, the grownups are waiting for court. We want confirmation that the plan the agency, Sunny’s attorney, Sunny’s relative, Sunny’s Mom, Sunny, and my husband and I have concocted will be approved by the judge: having Sunny go home to her relative for spring break week, and having her go home to the relative for good at the end of the school year. We know it’s likely to be approved since everrrrybody else is on board. The attorney and my husband and I have a lot of power here, and since we are in agreement, the odds of it being denied are slim. But that final say is going to make everyone less antsy.
The kids are struggling too, each in their own way. The both know Sunny is likely to go home at the end of the school year. Normally we wouldn’t tell kids until the court said it was final, but word slipped at a visit, so we explained it all, including that the judge still has the final say.
Sunny wants to go home now. Like, yesterday. But she also is processing the facts of this change. She’s not going to be able to take all her stuff with her. Her relative has a tiny apartment filled with lots and lots of people. It would be impossible for Sunny to take all her clothing and all her stuffies and all her toys. There is literally not enough space for it all. So she has to go through things and decide what she loves most and that’s hard for a kid who hasn’t had much and suddenly found herself having a lot more. Sunny is also processing that she won’t be here for Halloween or Christmas, which aren’t celebrated by her Muslim family. (We got special permission from her Mom for Sunny to celebrate Halloween and Christmas with us). She’s just struggling to wrap her head around what it’s going to be like to be home, and what she’ll be missing out on by going home.
As a result of all this impending change, Sunny has been a bit volatile. Some days she’s happy about it all and cheerful. But more often she’s annoyed that she has to wait to go home. She’s rebelling against these two grownups who aren’t going to be her grownups much longer. She’s also hormonal. And she’s a kid who has experienced a lot of trauma and who doesn’t have a great vocabulary for expressing what she’s feeling. All-in-all, she’s been pretty hard to parent.
Sprout is doing better, mostly because she’s a more stable kid overall. She was removed from the trauma of her home situation (the removal itself being trauma) at a much younger age and has been adjusting to life here with us longer. She does, however, frequently say that she doesn’t want Sunny to go home. We got her set up with a therapist because we feel like she’s going to need one through this transition. We’ve kept dialogue about it all open so she can talk freely about her feelings. But there isn’t much else we can really do – she just has to go through it. I hate seeing her sad.
Seth and I are struggling to parent Sunny through this transition. I totally understand wanting to wait till the end of the school year before sending her home. She has an IEP and it would be challenging to get it implemented at a big city school district for just the last couple months of school. But holy Hannah, Sunny is hard to parent right now. She’s struggling and it comes out as defiance fairly often and while I don’t blame her, I don’t necessarily want to go through more than 2 1/2 more months of this.
Waiting is hard.
Transitions are hard.
Waiting for a big transition feels a little like torture.
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