bonding

Structure, Consequences, and Rewards: What Works?

Let me start this post by emphasizing every kid is different. Of the three kids in our house, different things work for each one of them. With Sprout, she’s been with us since she was less than 2, in a stable, structured, safe environment where her needs are always met. She views Seth and meContinue reading “Structure, Consequences, and Rewards: What Works?”

Seeking: Someone to Pay Attention

We’ve noticed over the years that a common theme in our kids coming into foster care is a deep need for undivided attention. I think there are a lot of different reasons for this. A lot of kids coming into care are coming from pretty extreme poverty, and quite frankly, an impoverished parent desperately tryingContinue reading “Seeking: Someone to Pay Attention”

Openness in Adoptions

I’m strongly in favor of open adoptions – in the vast majority of cases – for so many reasons, primarily because there’s abundant research that now shows it is healthiest for the kids, and it should all be about the kids. Times have changed. This is not the 80s when adoptions were usually closed. WeContinue reading “Openness in Adoptions”

Forecast: Sunny skies for now

So it’s been about a week and a half since Sunny, Sprout’s biological sister, joined us. When I first mentioned her in this blog I said: On Tuesday, Sprout’s sister “Sunny” (8) joined us for… well, for now. It’s foster care so who the heck knows for how long? There are some relatives who mayContinue reading “Forecast: Sunny skies for now”

Divided Loyalties

I have had a couple of heartbreaking conversations with Sprout in the past week. The first was triggered by a picture we put next to Sprout’s bed of her first family. It’s a cute candid shot of her Mama holding her and all her siblings gathered around them. I printed and framed it and setContinue reading “Divided Loyalties”

Caring for Newborns is Hard, Y’all

It’s hard to sum up what life has been like the last month and a half. The best way is perhaps to explain what happened yesterday. We had not one, but TWO case workers come over yesterday to do monthly home visits – one for Sprout and one for Cookie. So we deep cleaned becauseContinue reading “Caring for Newborns is Hard, Y’all”

Roller coaster fun with a baby

Baby “Cookie” is doing well. He’s gained 12 oz since he’s been with us!! Given that he came home from the hospital weighing a weenie 6 lbs, 12 more ounces is a really good thing. He’s not at all an easy kid to feed. He spits up a lot and actually vomits a lot, soContinue reading “Roller coaster fun with a baby”

A Yucky Post to Write

We have notified the County that we need to have them move Little Dude if they can find another place for him. I’m feeling… well, terrible about it. I’m also vastly relieved at the idea, which is probably pretty telling. I wrote a while back about having a hard time bonding with Little Dude Man,Continue reading “A Yucky Post to Write”

Confession: I hate pretend play

I’ve got a three year old and a 1 year old in the house on the daily, and a 9 year old on weekends. That’s a lot of kid time. I think of myself as a good parent. My kids’ physical needs are always met, and met well. When kids come to us they’re oftenContinue reading “Confession: I hate pretend play”

I have a confession to make: I’ve had a hard time bonding with Little Dude so far. This is not uncommon, and is a fact of life for foster parents. Sometimes it takes a month or two for me to really develop a bond with a child and that month or two is hard. WhyContinue reading “Bonding”