hollykaustin

Racism 101 in my Household

Sunny learned about Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. in school. On the Monday holiday honoring him, she got up bright and early and asked me enthusiastically, “Are we going to go see Dr. King Jr. today?” My heart thumped extra hard. I explained to her that he is dead now, and that he’d been shotContinue reading “Racism 101 in my Household”

Family Expansion

We just had a visit with Sprout and Sunny’s family. It’s a two hour drive to Mama’s house, which the girls complain is the most boring thing ever, but when we get there it’s all worth it. Today, not only was their Mama there and their other three siblings, but also an uncle and twoContinue reading “Family Expansion”

Structure, Consequences, and Rewards: What Works?

Let me start this post by emphasizing every kid is different. Of the three kids in our house, different things work for each one of them. With Sprout, she’s been with us since she was less than 2, in a stable, structured, safe environment where her needs are always met. She views Seth and meContinue reading “Structure, Consequences, and Rewards: What Works?”

It’s a Birthday. Brace for Impact.

Birthdays for foster kids can be unexpectedly full of strange emotions and events. It’s Sunny’s 9th birthday today, and she’s suuuuper excited. For one thing, her family didn’t really celebrate birthdays so this is an exciting new “English” (non-Muslim) tradition for her. For another, like all kids, she wants to be the center of attentionContinue reading “It’s a Birthday. Brace for Impact.”

A wheelchair = liberation

Having kids with physical limitations is illuminating. After a battle with insurance, they finally approved an adorable little yellow smiley face wheelchair for Sunny. I pushed for it because there are so many things we can’t do with her now: we can’t go to the mall, or the State Fair, or the little village festivalContinue reading “A wheelchair = liberation”

Seeking: Someone to Pay Attention

We’ve noticed over the years that a common theme in our kids coming into foster care is a deep need for undivided attention. I think there are a lot of different reasons for this. A lot of kids coming into care are coming from pretty extreme poverty, and quite frankly, an impoverished parent desperately tryingContinue reading “Seeking: Someone to Pay Attention”

Openness in Adoptions

I’m strongly in favor of open adoptions – in the vast majority of cases – for so many reasons, primarily because there’s abundant research that now shows it is healthiest for the kids, and it should all be about the kids. Times have changed. This is not the 80s when adoptions were usually closed. WeContinue reading “Openness in Adoptions”

Mom Life

Today is a virtual miracle. I am getting the kids up and clean and fed and dressed and out the door for the bus to school this morning. But then? I have the day off until 4. This is a startling and welcome event. People seem to think that because I’m a stay-at-home mom andContinue reading “Mom Life”

Kids’ Relationships with “Stuff”

I thought of this topic because someone posted in a Facebook page I follow about their frustration with their foster kids’ treatment of toys and general messiness. Compared with her bio kids, she was surprised by the way her foster kids relate to objects. The original poster has my sympathy. It’s something Seth and IContinue reading “Kids’ Relationships with “Stuff””

Persistence Pays Off… Maybe? 🤞🏻

After my last blog post, I wrote a frustrated Facebook post on a foster care group page about the misery of this situation with being unable to get the girls medical care they desperately need. I got a lot of “don’t give up, you have to do something” comments which didn’t accomplish anything but annoyContinue reading “Persistence Pays Off… Maybe? 🤞🏻”