Tag Archives: foster parenting

The System is Broken

I hear this phrase all the time. Hell, I use this phrase all the time. But what do I mean by it? My short answer to people is always about overloaded and underpaid case workers, but there is so much more to it than that. It’s corrupt judges, state laws that discriminate against families withContinue reading “The System is Broken”

Finding the Helpers

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’” Fred Rogers Foster care is full of darkness. It’s full of abuse, heartbreak, and tragedy. It’s full of underpaid and overworked social workers,Continue reading “Finding the Helpers”

Healing as a “Not Working” Working Mom

There’s no secret that my time working at a law firm was painfully difficult for me. I am smart and a good researcher and writer so that part of the work was good. I wrote some kick-ass legal briefs in my time there, and won some difficult cases in part because of my research andContinue reading “Healing as a “Not Working” Working Mom”

Different Kids, Different Views

Our experience with kids’ desires about their futures are pretty varied. We started our foster care journey with Kiddo. She had just turned 4 when she came to us. Initially her parents were not doing what they needed to to get her back, and Kiddo was seething with fury at her Mom for telling CPSContinue reading “Different Kids, Different Views”

Structure, Consequences, and Rewards: What Works?

Let me start this post by emphasizing every kid is different. Of the three kids in our house, different things work for each one of them. With Sprout, she’s been with us since she was less than 2, in a stable, structured, safe environment where her needs are always met. She views Seth and meContinue reading “Structure, Consequences, and Rewards: What Works?”

It’s a Birthday. Brace for Impact.

Birthdays for foster kids can be unexpectedly full of strange emotions and events. It’s Sunny’s 9th birthday today, and she’s suuuuper excited. For one thing, her family didn’t really celebrate birthdays so this is an exciting new “English” (non-Muslim) tradition for her. For another, like all kids, she wants to be the center of attentionContinue reading “It’s a Birthday. Brace for Impact.”

Seeking: Someone to Pay Attention

We’ve noticed over the years that a common theme in our kids coming into foster care is a deep need for undivided attention. I think there are a lot of different reasons for this. A lot of kids coming into care are coming from pretty extreme poverty, and quite frankly, an impoverished parent desperately tryingContinue reading “Seeking: Someone to Pay Attention”

Openness in Adoptions

I’m strongly in favor of open adoptions – in the vast majority of cases – for so many reasons, primarily because there’s abundant research that now shows it is healthiest for the kids, and it should all be about the kids. Times have changed. This is not the 80s when adoptions were usually closed. WeContinue reading “Openness in Adoptions”

Closing in on 1,000 isn’t “lucky”

Sprout has been in foster care 921 days.  By the time we get to court next, it’ll have been 963 days. I am a nervous wreck. I don’t know what to expect in court other than an excruciatingly emotional day. I’ve worked as a lawyer in the system but never got to this stageContinue reading “Closing in on 1,000 isn’t “lucky””