Tag Archives: bonding

What if curiosity healed the cat?

We dropped Sunny off with her relative on Tuesday. It was uneventful. She refused to say goodbye which made it extra hard. Even though I know saying goodbye is really hard for a lot of foster kids – they’ve had to say some really goddamn hard goodbyes in their lives – it still felt yuckyContinue reading “What if curiosity healed the cat?”

Feeling at Home

Seth and I have been struggling mightily with our household lately. Sunny knows there are only a few weeks before she goes home, and she’s ramped up her behaviors significantly. Intellectually I get that she’s pushing us and her sister away so that leaving is easier. I get that she’s only 10, and is struggling.Continue reading “Feeling at Home”

The Power a Good Foster Parent Has

This week I shot an email to Sunny’s attorney and asked her to give me a call when she got the chance. She did so promptly, and I told her in no uncertain terms that Sunny is struggling emotionally here more and more as time passes, and that both her therapist and I think it’sContinue reading “The Power a Good Foster Parent Has”

Struggling to Parent Sunny

I’ve written before about how Sunny is a difficult kid to parent. I’m not sure I’ve really emphasized that enough, though. Folks, I’m struggling with parenting her fairly. Sunny has learned, through no fault of her own, to be manipulative and pushy. Those were attributes that got her needs met when she was home withContinue reading “Struggling to Parent Sunny”

Dealing with Uncertainty

Foster care is nothing if not filled with uncertainty. We have 10-year-old Sunny with us still. She’s been here 519 days counting today. She says she still wants to go home, but my suspicion is that she would have a very hard time transitioning back to her old style of family life. Her family isContinue reading “Dealing with Uncertainty”

Sunny’s Need to Belong

The subject of belonging came up for me recently when I listened to a We Can Do Hard Things podcast called “Being Left Out: Navigating that Lifelong Ache.” In the episode, Glennon, Abby, and Amanda talk about the need for feeling like we belong, and how fundamental that feeling is to our survival. In essence,Continue reading “Sunny’s Need to Belong”

Sproutlet Delight

From the fourth day she was with us back in April 2020, I knew Sprout was a ham with a huge personality. The first three days she was here, she spent sobbing if I put her down. I held her for more than 3 days straight, including overnights, which I spent in an armchair notContinue reading “Sproutlet Delight”

“Do you trust me to be your kid?”

We have lots of conversations lately about what “family” means. Sprout, whose adoption is in the not-too-distant future (in theory anyway), has been super aware of the fact that she’s not a permanent part of our family yet. She’s very insecure about it, and asks almost daily if she can be a part of ourContinue reading ““Do you trust me to be your kid?””

Different Kids, Different Views

Our experience with kids’ desires about their futures are pretty varied. We started our foster care journey with Kiddo. She had just turned 4 when she came to us. Initially her parents were not doing what they needed to to get her back, and Kiddo was seething with fury at her Mom for telling CPSContinue reading “Different Kids, Different Views”